DJ Tanner In Tha House!

Last weekend, I think I found my new hobby…..(How many times have I said that one, right?) First there was the pickling, then the hand modeling, now it’s becoming a DJ. Anthony and I were at Sarah and Paul’s house for Memorial Day weekend when Paul showed me his DJ equipment. I was intrigued and had to learn how to do it- it can’t be that hard especially if Paris Hilton does this in clubs all over the world, right? Wrong! This is why Calvin Harris makes over $60 million a year I guess! (I am still convinced that Paris has someone mix her set for her and she just pushes the ‘play’ button on her iTunes and moves her hands around the turntables all night while wearing headphones). After I watched Paul, he explained the system, the board and all of those buttons to me. It was quite overwhelming at first but after a few tries at it (and a shot of vodka, of course) I found my groove. I even found my name (thanks to my favorite childhood TV show Full House) - DJ Tanner. Next up, buying all that equipment….Ibiza, Miami, Vegas, here I come!

Girl, You’ve Got To Get A New Trick!

A few weekends ago, Beth and I had our yearly Stagecoach trip, of course equipped with our flasks. Last year, we thought we were geniuses because Beth discovered flasks that looked like tampons and sunscreen and no one suspected a thing! This year apparently, they are catching on and our little flask tricks are stale. On Day One, Beth filled her sunscreen bottle flask up and confidently walked to the entrance where they were searching bags. I went through fine since I wasn’t smuggling any contraband this time but when I turned and watched Beth’s face as the guy reached in her bag and picked up the ‘sunscreen bottle,’ my heart dropped. I mean, the worst thing that is going to happen is they are going to dump out the alcohol and take the flask, but it’s the part about getting away with it that makes it the most exciting. I was staring into Beth’s eyes as he was shaking the ‘sunscreen bottle’ for what seemed like a full minute and as I tried to stay calm, she looked like she was about ready to take off running. I swear she was like a cartoon and her feet started gaining speed and spinning as the dirt formed a giant cloud behind her. Eventually, he put the ‘sunscreen’ back in her bag and we were on our way into the festival, thanking our lucky stars we had ‘free’ vodka for the night. But things weren’t as easy on Day Two….

As Beth walked up to the guy who I told her looked like the best option in laid back security that day, he immediately turned into a highly decorated FBI agent who was not going to let us get away with anything. He took out her ‘tampons’ and held them in his left hand while he did a thorough right hand only search through every crevice of her bag. Beth and I were actually feeling on top of the world at this moment and didn’t suspect any foul play when he handed her back the bag sans the ‘tampons.’ When Beth kindly asked Sergeant McHardass for her feminine products, he laughed and said, “girl, you’ve got to get a new trick!” Cue the cartoon feet and the cloud of dust…..and we're off!