Friday, June 9, 2017

What Am I?

I am sure everyone has been in this situation before…you are at a restaurant or bar and you have to use the bathroom. You get to the bathroom doors and have no clue which one to walk in! Am I a ‘Skunk’ or a ‘Sloth?’ A ‘Clover’ or a ‘Flower?’ A ‘Gypsy’ or a ‘Pirate?’ Can’t these people just say ‘Men’ or ‘Women’ already!? By the time you figure it out, your bladder is about ready to explode and you are ready to bust through the door with the ‘Rooster’ on it, forgetting that you are most likely a ‘Cat.’ And if you have had a few drinks? Forget about it- the signs may have well be in French! This exact situation has happened to me a few times (am I just not as witty and clever as I think I am?) but this time it was a whole different story…



We were at the Temecula Creek Inn for our friend’s 40th birthday party. We had been wine tasting all day and when we got back to the hotel, we went to the bar to continue the festivities. I had a few martinis and then had to go to the bathroom. I asked Anthony where the bathroom was and he pointed behind the bar and told me the doors were to the left. I got up, walked exactly where he told me and came upon 2 doors next to each other. One said ‘Sage 1’ and one said ‘Sage 2.’ SHIT. Okay, this one was like a riddle- how the heck was I supposed to know what kind of Sage I am? Are they talking about the herb? Maybe these are gender neutral bathrooms and if you have to go number one you go to the ‘Sage 1’ door? Ugh. No, that wouldn’t be possible…..right? Not only did I have to pee badly, I was wearing a romper so the process of taking it off was going to take a while so there was no time to waste! Just as I was racking my brain for anagrams for the letters SAGE, I saw a few girls walk by me and head around the corner. I followed them and saw two clearly marked doors: 'Gentleman’ & ‘Ladies.’ Duh! I still have no clue what those 'Sage' doors lead to. Probably the electrical room or something….

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Santa Claus is Coming to Town (in an Uber)


Last December, we decided to take Meyer to Santa’s Village in Lake Arrowhead so she could get a second shot with the big guy. The first time she met him with Grandma, she was NOT a fan! Although our experience at Santa's Village was not the best (it had just re-opened but nothing was fully operating ‘yet’) and we had to buy cables to put on the Tahoe to get there (I am from Maine and have NEVER had to use these), Meyer actually smiled for her picture with Santa this time! The best part? We got to meet him twice! First, when he was in his work attire (aka Jolly Old St. Nick) sitting in the sleigh, and again as we were leaving the park, as casual Santa. 
Before we got on the road, we had pulled over to the side of the parking lot to adjust the cables on the Tahoe. A baby blue minivan pulled up next to us and out stepped Mr. Claus himself, except this time he was in his regular clothes (but clearly recognizable). He asked if we needed any help and I thought, ‘what is this, Miracle on 34th Street?’ We told him thanks but we were just adjusting the cables on the tires, yet he stayed and decided to make small talk. He asked if we remembered him (like he was Clark Kent and just removed his glasses)…umm duh, we just sat on your lap! I looked over at his van and noticed that he had the familiar Uber sticker on his dashboard and thought, holy crap! Santa is an Uber driver too? What else does this guy do? Can you imagine if you called an Uber and on the app and it said 'Nick' will be arriving in 2 minutes in a red Toyota sleigh? He agreed with us that it sucked about having to put cables on the tires to make it up to Santa’s Village and confessed that he was almost late to work because he didn’t have any and had to go out of his way to buy some. To that I replied, “why didn’t you take the sleigh?”

Thanks. I’ll be here all night. Ho ho ho.