Friday, March 21, 2014

My Quest For The Perfect Natural Deodorant

Last year, Anthony and I watched this documentary about the harmful toxins that are entering your body through your lotions, makeup, hairspray and deodorant. Horrified yet hesitant to give up my favorite brands, I have tried to make the switch on most of my beauty products and now I use organic, all natural shampoo, conditioner, body wash, makeup and hairspray (for the most part). But finding that perfect natural deodorant that won't leave me smelling like a Sumo Wrestler after a brief walk across the street? Next to impossible. I think I would have a better chance at actually becoming a Sumo Wrestler....

First, I tried a brand named 'Crystal' that looked straight out of the 1980's. I'm pretty sure the girl on the front of the bottle was Jane Fonda and I felt like I should be working at a strip club with that in my possession. It was the wet, roll-on type which I immediately hated but I tried it anyways to save my body from those nasty toxins. I'm not a really sweaty person naturally and only perspire heavily after a good workout. I usually didn't smell after a workout with my trusty 'Secret' deodorant, but after a light jog with 'Crystal' I smelled like a farm animal. Toss.

Next I tried some hippie brand at Whole Foods but I couldn't stand the scent of patchouli that lingered around my body like the cloud of filth that followed Pigpen from Peanuts...that one was trash. Feeling hopeless, I bought another brand from Whole Foods called 'Kiss My Face' and after using the same brand of lotion, I was feeling optimistic. That one was also sticky and smelled like a man but I decided to try it out before my spin class. Bad idea...I'm pretty sure a few people behind my bike wished they were sitting on the other side of the room. I even gagged a little after I smelled my armpit post class. 'Kiss My Face?' How about 'Kiss My Stench!'

Before I went back to my harmful, loaded with free radicals 'Secret,' I thought I would give 'Tom's of Maine' a try. I was from Maine, so it should do the trick, right? Apparently, that wasn't how it worked. This natural deodorant was not only a deodorant but an antiperspirant to boot. Hooray! I was so confident that I wouldn't stink after a quick run on the treadmill that I even had Anthony give me a whiff afterwards. Double bad idea. I smelled like I hadn't taken a bath in weeks, then took a bath in the dirty bathwater from Honey Boo Boo's entire family. I quit my search and drove to Costco to stock up on 'Secret.' What's the harm in a little aluminum when you smell like a million bucks? No harm, I promise.

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