Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monkey C, Monkey Scared
I absolutely adore my family and while I was home in Maine last week we all went to Monkey C Monkey Do in Wiscasset to explore our adventurous side. The outdoor tree house like obstacle course offered various levels of difficulty, zip lines, a bungee jump-esque swing in the middle of the course and hours of fun for my family. Since I was in town from Los Angeles and didn't pack my sneakers in my carry-on luggage (all I usually do at home is eat, sleep and relax therefore working out is not on my vacation agenda), I had to borrow my brother-in-law's shoes so I could play on the course. Although it was generous of him to offer up his old pair for me to borrow, they were reminiscent of clown shoes on my feet, making the tightrope a bit awkward for me to walk on and funny to the crowd below (I must have looked like an act at the circus). Big feet aside, I watched as my 8 year old niece bravely took on the bungee jump swing as she plummeted 50 feet down, not even making a peep. I thought, if she can do it then it must not be that scary, right? Hell freaking no! I tried to remain calm walking up on that high wooden platform into the loving harness of Bill the manager of the course but I immediately started to shake. I find that as I get older, roller coasters, water parks and heights are a lot harder for me to take than when I was a kid. I now applaud my parents for toting us around when we were younger to various amusements parks all over the east coast keeping their composure while we enjoyed ourselves, probably terrified inside. But I couldn't back down now, that's just not my style- and my niece jumped with such ease! As my entire family looked on, I sat down on the platform, nervously waiting as Bill harnessed me in securely and lost about fifteen shades of tan (you see what I did there?) in my face. As my breathing increased and I began having heart palpitations, I kept repeating the phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On" over and over again in my head. Bill moved his arm over to the side of the platform and told me to lean into it to begin my jump. I looked at him like he was crazy, "but there's nothing below your arm and I know you won't be catching me, I'm just going to fall!" He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Well, yeah- you wanted to do the bungee jump swing, right?" I know, I know but I didn't realize who scary it was! How the hell did my niece do it without screaming? How the hell did all the kids before her do it without screaming? Why am I the oldest one to attempt to conquer this thing today? So many questions, so little time! I looked Bill dead in the eyes and asked him if anyone had ever peed their pants while jumping. He told me no, or at least no one had admitted it. I told him a may the the first and that if I did happen to pee a little, I would like a dry pair of pants and a new harness. He laughed and told me to lean into his hand again and fall. I felt like I was going to die and as my family cheered me on, I thought, screw it! I made it all the way up to this small wooden platform and there's only one way dooooooownnnnnn! As I leaned into Bill's arm, my entire stomach came up into my throat and I began to scream. And I didn't stop screaming until I was on the ladder in the safe zone, getting my harness removed. Once I was safely on the ground, Bill yelled down to me, "Are you dry?" I checked my pants to feel for some wetness and surprisingly I was in the clear. Proudly, I responded "I didn't pee, Bill!" Lesson for the day? This Monkey Saw and this Monkey will never Do again.