Talk To Me Goose

Sometimes I think I have a sign on my forehead that reads, "you can tell me anything." Seriously! People love to talk to me about everything and nothing at all. Like last night when I got into the elevator of my building (I was wearing heels) and the guy who was already inside said, "Wow, you are really tall! You must have trouble meeting guys!" Then today at lunch, I was happily and quietly eating my salad from Trader Joe's when an old lady asked me for the time. Apparently when I told her it was 12:27, it opened the 'talking up a storm' flood gates. At first I wasn't sure if she was talking to me because I had no part in the conversation at all (I'm a really good listener), but the fact that she was standing directly in front of me and staring into my eyes was a big clue. She said she was waiting for her cab to come so she apparently had some time to spare to enlighten me on a few topics.

At first she starting talking about salads because I was eating one and how she can't eat them anymore because of some sort of colon issue she had. Then she went into a rant about her Doctor's appointment and how physicians don't know shit. She advised me to tell my Doctor everything because if you go in and say that you are doing okay, then your appointment is over. She then told me that she saved her own life last week because she knew there was something wrong with her so she marched (with her walker) right into the Doctor's office and told him. Next, she got onto the subject of children and told me when I had kids I need to talk to them daily even if they were too little to understand because that is how they learn. She said that her three tall and handsome boys are smart and healthy men because all she did was talk to them when they were babies (doesn't surprise me). She said most parent's now-a-days don't do shit when it comes to parenting. She loved the word shit, by the way. When her cab finally did come, it wasn't a United Cab, Beverly Hills Cab or Yellow Cab but a generic orange and yellow 'Taxi.' She let out a huff and said, "of course they can't send a good cab when I call- they have to send me a Gypsy!" Then she asked me if I had ever been to New York City (I couldn't even utter an answer) because all of there cab drivers there are Gypsy's. She then crinkled her nose and said 'Gypsy' one more time. When the driver got out and tried to help her with her grocery bags, she pretty much hit his hand and told him that she would do it because her walker folds in a special way. Then she looked at me and said, "he doesn't listen!" As she was climbing into the front seat, she reminded me to talk to my babies and told me it was nice talking to me. Again, I didn't get one word in during her entire conversation. At that moment, a car with really squeaky brakes came up behind the cab and the old woman yelled, "what do you think you are doing?" Then she turned to me and said the most powerful closing line, "80% of the population is stupid!" I just couldn't make this up.....